Why I'll never amount to anything. An essay.

I'm getting a liberal arts degree, because, like most of my fellow peers- i'm talentless and even more importantly, indecisive. I'm functionally good at a couple of things (none of which would actually translate into careers with any amount of fiduciary security), and expertly good at NOTHING. That's right folks, I'm a big waste of space as far as contributing anything original, or important to society. The only solace I can gleen from this, somewhat abysmal realization is the fact that, having a job, and participating in commerce at various levels, means I am at the very least, not a DRAIN on the economy- I just don't ADD anything to it.

I'm a non-entity. The human equivalence of iceberg lettuce. Filler.

To a certain extent there's a sort of freedom that goes along with being entirely 'without'. If you aren't extremely talented or influential, you're allowed to skate through your day unhampered by high expectations. If the people around you know you're worthless, they eventually stop attempting to get you to do anything at all really.

Human Stagflation. The world keeps expanding, possibilities, opportunites, grow exponentially, and the only response this sorry sack can make to it, is to do exactly what she's been doing for 20 years, continue to be unremarkable in every facet of existence.

If you know me at all, you know I'm not about this emo- self pittying bullshit. This isn't a cry for help, or even a whine really. I'ts just fact. Besides, I think it's almost impossible to have strong feelings (including sadness) about neutrality. Ambivalence begets ambivalence...

or something...whatever.

Dark Night; Schmark Schmight...Holy effing ess, Pierce Brosnan is in Mamma Mia!!!!!??

Hold on a sec. [footsteps, door slamming, car starting- returning, sits down out of breath, wearing a collector's Mamma Mia t-shirt, baseball cap, and pennent]

Fewwwf. God, what a rush. I totally didn't think Mery Streep was gonna do "Super Trouper" but then BAM- Second Encore! God, sooooooo awesome.

Did someone tell them Mamma Mia was in theaters? I bet they didn't. That's gotta be it. According to NYTimes, Batman grossed $155.3 million in three days, so apparently like, I guess a couple of people actually saw this, so called movie. Me, I'll pass thanks. Especially not when ABBA, my fifth favorite, Swedish Europop/Disco quartet is making it's silverscreen debut. At least I'm not a COMPLETE, dumbass, like some folks seem to be.

I mean, so what if whole segments of Batman, including the three most expensive and intense action sequences of all-time were actually shot in the 60mm IMAX film format, that creates a mindbendingly huge visual and auditory experience that will no doubt confound and amaze the senses. Have you SEEN Colin Firth's rendition of "Knowing Me, Knowing You"!? Guy's like fricking Pavaratti on acid, or some shit.

Movies are all about relatability, you know, and realism. Dark Knight is full of all this ridiculous crap, like large round ammunition, telecommunication privacy threats, and corrupt politicians, yeah right, and when you die, you go to a wonderful place called heaven where your soul can live forever, in peace and harmony- PLEASE. I like stuff with a little meat to it, you know, a little weight of the world type of stuff, in which I see reflections of my own life and surroundings.
I mean, haven't we all, read our mother's diaries only to discover that the absent father figure in our lives could be one of three people mentioned in said diary, since she dated them simultaneously in the years surrounding the time of your birth, and whom you invite to your upcoming wedding which you will have on the exotic yet beautiful mediterranean coast of Greece, where your mother had opened an inn years before? It was like looking through my memoire. How did you do it Bjorn Ulvaeus!? I guess some people just kind of "get-it", and others, *cough*Christopher Nolan*cough*- don't.

So if for SOME insane, behind comprehensible reasoning, you actually want, to see a masked vigilante with rapier wit and a penchant for blind justice, rid a cess pool city of the low-life street crime that creates the poverty and suffering he and has family had vowed to try and relieve- by all means, see your little, Batman picture. Enjoy. But if you ask me, any REAL film fanatic will be nextdoor belting the refrain to "Dancing Queen" in Mamma Mia- which is bound to go down in the anals of film history alongside the other giants of the reel: right in between Bring it On and Cheaper by the Dozen 2 in the top ten of all time.

Long time, no inner monologue seen

Dudebro's, what it is?

OH god, I'm sorry, that just sorta slipped out, been spending too much time in the suburbs. Long, plaid shorts and Reef sandals as far as the eye can see...

So, I'm back in Minneapolis, working at my boring, though admittedly, strangely satisfying administrative job at the design studio and i thought, hey, remember how I used to blog sometimes, I should do that again.

I'll stick to what I do best, movie reviews! I know, I know, you've all been clamoring to know, "What the hell does Kelsey think about movies I will most likely never see?"

Well, sport, I'll tell ya. Since this has been a while, I'm going to recap with a few films I've seen in the past month or so, including some on DVD, that I got around to peeping.

The Fall- To be honest I should preface this by saying that I hadn't even gone to the theater that night with the intent to see this. The movie I had wanted to pay money for was sold out, but I was with a friend who suggested this instead and I was feeling unobjectionable.
It's from the director of The Cell, if that means anything to you. Visually, this is readily apparent, from the first fantasy sequence. He's a fan of grandiose, rich imagery with staggeringly vast panoramas. And they are completely awe-inspiring views even without his own fanciful additions. The credits at the end give away all production locales that were utilized and it appears as though he didn't want to leave a single continent out of the mix.
The plot revolves around a little Indian migrant worker who has fallen from a tree working in the orange groves and is recovering from her broken arm in a hospital. She meets a heartbroken, action, silent film star who tells her a story of revenge and adventure.

A lot like Pan's Labyrinth in the way in which it slips between story and diegetic plot action pretty easily. Characters from "real life" make appearances in the fantasy.

Coming from someone who does not admittedly fall for the whole "cute kid" spiel, this could be an exception. The clearly non-actor Indian girl, is adorable and precocious without being annoying or pandering for "awwwww" points. Not a must-see but worth your time if you give it a shot.


Before the Devil Knows You're Dead- Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Ethan Hawke decide to rob their parents jewelry store. And guess what? It doesn't go very smoothly. Surprise!

Done in a combination, Pulp Fiction, flashback and Run Lola Run/Reservoir Dogs multi-perspective, same event fashion. It's been done before, and better, elsewhere. Relatively predictable, but aptly acted by all involved, it's interesting enough to keep you watching but mundane enough to be forgotten immediately after you're done.

The Savages- Philip Seymour again. Slice of life indie flick about a father going into a nursing home. Again, well acted, well directed. Poignant, but not nearly as funny as it was made out to be or could have been. All-in-all, meh. Entertaining, but I'm glad I didn't pay money in theater's to see it.

Hell Boy II: The Golden Army- Background info: I LOVED Hell Boy I. Del Toro has a nice aesthetic for me. It didn't take itself too seriously, like so many comic book movies often do, cough*spiderman/hulk*cough. So needless to say I was ecstatic when I found out Guillermo had signed on for the sequel and dragged the boyfriend to opening night.

Unfortunately, I hate to say it, but it was a little bit of a let down. Most likely due to me getting my hopes too high, but it was just good. Not great. You know?

Once again, Del Toro delivers on the cinematography and does a nice job or parceling out the CGI sparingly and integrating it pretty seamlessly with props and sets. [exception: the "troll market" scene looks straight out of the foam rubber muppet infested bar from the first Star Wars] Which is big, cause I have found that too much completely CGI imagery, can be an action/sci-fi/fantasy film's demise very easily. (see: the 2nd and 3rd Matrix's, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the witch... and EVERY Spiderman)

Story was eh, but I mean, it was a action movie, so that didn't particularly have any negative effect on it. You don't go to Live Free or Die Hard expecting to learn poignant life lessons. You go, cause Bruce Willis is BAD ASS. He rides on the wing of a jet motherfuckers!!!

Anyway, I guess I was kinda over the addition of the love story- big waste o' time. Oh but if you need any incentive to see it in theater's or more reason to respect the 'cult of aura' that comes from theater viewership and audience enclave, here's an example of a comment made by the people sitting behind us that was MORE than appreciated by this moviegoer:

"Oh shit! She got that Hell Boy baby!?"

Well, that about wraps it up for this installment. I'm thinking I'll have to hit the proverbially paper on the regular for at least a few weeks to get up to speed. Next on the docket: Summer TV shows, politics (always and forever), new music!

Ciao, ladies and germs. Till we meet again, in the vast series of tubes we call the interweb.

Writer's Strike

Artist and worker solidarity; I whole-heartedly support. Unions are an important part of America's economic strength. But Kelsey, you say, Union's are in direct conflict with the goals and efficiency intended in a free-market capitalistic society, how can they possibly be beneficial to the American economy, let alone, part of it's strength?
(For a moment let's suspend the outbursts of "WHAT STRENGTH!?" due to the current recession- and deal in generalities of the last century and America's previous dominance of Western civilization.)
Oh silly, naive, albeit fabricated antagonist- you are taking a decidedly ignorant/simplistic interpretation of the economy. If we are to follow the theory of Keynesian economics- and most of the post-WWII population does, we can logically find that a certain level of government price controls and modes of action designed to monitor and regulate the free-market WILL lead to the most efficient and more importantly, stable economy a modern nation can hope for. Unions being one of these controls, not directly in line with government controlled rate changes and controls, but an important product of American capitalism none-the-less. Disagree? Well you can thank Unions for giving us the 8 hour work day, health care (however much this has been eliminated), vacation time, minimum wages etc. Basically, giving us the "civilized conditions" under which we now live, undermined though they may be, by globalization.
This leads me to my distantly alluded to point. The Writer's Strike. A good idea, in theory. In action, I'm starting to think the meaning is being lost. They made their stand clearly when, striking together, they almost completely shut-down Hollywood. But with recent "cracks" in the wall, so to speak (the reemergence of late night's like Conan, Leno, and Letterman), it appears as if the strike is breaking down.
And with the comebacks of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, it appears ever more apparent that the stars themselves are getting desperate, and, dare I say it, scabby? I don't watch the big late-night guys, so I'm not quite sure at what level they're operating, but I can speak from the perspective of someone who watches Colbert and Stewart like it's her job. Aside from losing a lot cleverness, they appear to be functionally in the realm of normalcy. Now I'm the last person who wants to believe this, but is what Jon and Stephen doing, hurting their striking brethren? Only time will tell, I guess, and I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it appears to be a major chink in the armor of the guild- just trying to get just compensation for their intellectual property.
Meanwhile, all of us out there in TV land must come face-to-face with some of the most gruesome reality crap the networks can drag up. Not that I'm not fan of reality crap, (Flavor of Love is a work of art), but it's crap that doesn't know and embrace it's ridiculousness. Most notably, I couldn't help but stumble upon NBC's recent revival of American Gladiator. Remember this one? I seem to recall it only on "off-brand" affiliate networks such as, UPN and PAX, but not anymore. The previously shunned, dead air time-filler (Saturday morning staple), is now prime-time, front and center- with Hulk Hogan himself as host! Our souls may be dying inside, but hey, the steroid industry hasn't gotten a shot-in-the-arm like this in years. (Pun MOST DEFINITELY intended)

Peace, hepcats

Cold as fire baby, hot as ice. If you've ever been to heaven this is TWICE AS NICE.

Love'n me some new Britney Spears right now. I know, I know, ew right? Wrong. True it's shameless dance-pop, but it's catchy and fun. And yes, the girl has no musical ability to speak of, but who needs it, when you've got the best producers and songwriters in the biz, makin your tunes for you.

New Hampshire: Kind of what I was expecting, though not necessarily hoping for. Clinton eked the win, which she desperately needed to still be a strong contender. Obama and Clinton are neck-and-neck going into South Carolina and that one's going to be tricky to predict. While Obama has obvious appeal to black voters in the South, he is viewed in many communities as almost traitorous in his assimilation to white America. Clinton on the other hand, could possibly ride the wave of admiration that many Black voters still hold for her husband. It'll all depend on which campaign has been more active in the state and getting their supporters to the poll on election day.
As for the Plutocrats, Mccain with the UPSET. Take that Romney, looks like all the money in the world can't buy you out of your crazy religion in the voters mind. Not that that is how I feel, but most Republicans apparently do. Thats quite a sock to the Romney camp as this was the first indicator of whether or not candidates could appeal to the slightly more liberal masses. Have to see if all that cash buys him any more popularity in Super Tuesday, chances are it will, but then he's going to have to split the take with Mr. 911 himself.

Enough about important stuff, what have I been watching on the boob tube you ask? Yes, of course you ask, you're reading my blog aren't you? So don't pretend like you don't care. Or do, it makes no difference to me really.

There Will Be Blood:
I'm saying Oscar for Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis in this flick. Liked it. I really did. Paul Thomas Anderson (Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love, both good) delivers a relatively interesting story through a stunning look through the lens. Great looking film. If you're a born-again/evangelical, go ahead and pass on this one, unless you want to be shocked and horrified. Anderson does not look kindly on the kind of healer/preachers that inhabit that church.
Should you see it? If you have a lot of patience. I would say about 30-45 minutes too long, and if you can't take slow plots before then, don't aste your time and energy. In addition to that wasted time at the end of the film, Lewis's performance becomes so animated, he verges on ridiculous in the final sequences.

Get a Life (TV Series) (1990)
Not gonna find this little gem at your local Blockbuster, hell, even legitimately, anywhere. Reason: The DVD's have yet to be released because they are tied up in court battling copyright issues with producers, and it doesn't look like they will be working things out anytime soon. If you didn't catch this masterpiece when it was on air (if you're my friend chances are you were under 5 years old, so you're forgiven) and manage to get a hold of any of the episodes, check it out! Brilliant. Simply Brilliant. Get past the annoying early 90's style laugh track piped in over every one-liner and you're in for a treat. Chris Elliot stars as a 30 year old paper boy who still lives with his parents, and the crazy shenanigans he gets into.


My parents just got rid of their land line at the house. What is the world coming too? Oh, don't worry, they didn't get of our phones, they just got this crazy blue tooth enabled transmitter that allows the cordless phone to answer for their cells when they are within range (10 feet or so) from the box. Weird man. I don't like it.

Caucuses, like woah.

Iowa.
What an incredibly pleasant surprise to have Obama swipe this first and very important caucus. Especially considering that this was one of the caucuses he was not favored to win in initially. I think, by winning this hurdle, a base of largely conservative faith driven constituents, Obama has proven he has mass appeal. My prediction, and hope, is that he will sweep New Hampshire riding the momentum of this very pivotal win.
Iowa was make or break for Edwards. He broke. His real base was the conservative religious democrats, and by not even carrying those, I think he's officially cashed in his political chips.
As for our favorite little lady in the mix, Hilary's still got a chance if she can carry a few of the upcoming caucuses. My guess is that she's counting on Super Tuesday being her money shot. I think she can still lose New Hampshire, and if she manages to carry the big one, still be in serious contention for the nomination.
If you didn't see Huckabee winning this one, a mile off, you haven't been paying attention. His little rush of support recently, was just the wave he needed to boost him with the faith based conservatives in Iowa. Had he not carried these guys, he'd have been done for, because it's only going to be an uphill battle for him from here on out. Huckabee WILL be the big loser in New Hampshire, as the "live free or die" republicans there won't look too kindly on the big government leanings of the reverend. My prediction is that Romney carries NH; with his biggest competition being McCain. It'll all depend on if McCain can get the young people out to the polls, if he manages that, he might manage the win. If not, Romney's the man.
Giulani is clearly banking on winning the big ones. Namely Florida, the first of the monster electoral college states. But he will HAVE to carry it (Florida), New York (given), AND California to even have a prayer against Romney when it comes down to the final nomination. And thats a lot of "if".
Can't wait for NH returns tomorrow night. Keep the TV's and radio's on people, big decisions are going down.

J-term is boring.

And FAR too long. So I'm doing what I do best; watching movies, CNN and reading things school doesn't allow me time for. So as far as films go, here's the breakdown of the most recent rash of reels I've encountered.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barbour of Fleet Street.
"SWEENEY TODD. Blood Bath. I mean, well, yeah, I would say blood bath but like my friend thought it was super fake. Well, I guess I wouldn't say blood bath, but there is A LOT of blood."
- Teenage D&D enthusiast/ticket-taker at the movie theater.

Tim Burton is a one trick pony. Scissorhands was brilliant, Ed Wood, genius. Everything succeeding those, passe. In Sweeney Todd, it's same old, same old as far as Burton's dark and dreary landscapes, sets and lens. That being said, it is what he does best and he does it well. Not a huge fan of most of Sondheim's work, Sweeney Todd's murderous cosmetologist has always had a soft spot in my heart and of course, Johnny Depp could not disappoint. Due, in large part, to the fact that most of Sondheim's "music" is a talk-sing style, his abilities as a vocalist don't come under the biggest demand. Depp clearly is not tone-def, but I highly doubt he would carry the performance off in a Broadway setting- but for screen, he is entirely adequate. Helena Bonham Carter on the other hand, falls pitifully short in the vocals department. Her feeble portrayal of Mrs. Lovett, is the low point of the performances. Visually perfect, we don't seem to feel the real malice and anger she harbors throughout the story even at the violent climax of the film.
Overall, though, I enjoyed this movie a lot. Straight razors across throats, sans edit. You got a fan right here, Mr. Burton. Plus, my nerdy musical theater fan had a bit of bias. There I said it.
Lame, I know, so sue me. Despite that, I still think it's incredibly entertaining, not in the least compelling, but worth seeing as long as you aren't even a tad squeamish.

Juno.
Excited when I first saw previews, I mean give me a little George Michael any day, but quickly fizzled when I heard more of the kitschy dialogue. I wouldn't even have bothered to see it, had a free viewing not been offered. Should you see it, you ask? No. Unless it's free, or you happen to be a huge fan of the Gilmore Girls.
For the few good moments when the film get's real, it's not worth wading through the sickly sweet mires of Diablo's cutesy back and forth between relatively flat characters. I found Ellen Page's portrayal of a knocked up teen, annoying bordering on inane, and Michael Cera's sincere baby daddy, sadly absent from the screen.

Atonement.
Let's me start by prefacing this review with the fact that I attempted to read McEwan's novel years ago, having to jump-ship due to excruciating boredom. However, I felt I had to see this film given all of the critical acclaim it was accumulating, and the sumptuous cinematography in the trailers.
Jaw open, eyes wide, I breathlessly exclaimed to the girlfriend who had pressured me into going, post-viewing, "That was INCREDIBLE." Because it was. Not only was I not bored once in the relatively lengthy story (130 minutes), I was completely enthralled. I hate love stories, and don't particularly care for period pieces. I loved this movie. Every single cast member delivers talented and cohesive performances. The pacing is fast, and the cinematography, perfection. It's an excellent marriage between a riveting story and an excellent use of film as artistic medium, as demonstrated most evidently by the interesting shifts in plot sequencing.
I'm going to say Oscar for Best Picture. I would personally prefer the newest Cohen brothers, No Country for Old Men, but I can see where the Academy might not go for the excessively violent thriller.

I also finally got around to seeing Dirty Pretty Things and Wonder Boy. Both very good and highly recommend. Dirty Pretty Things, for reference and reverie, Wonder Boy because you'll always wish you had a professor as cool as Michael Douglas.